Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize