can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
