I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My ass is underappreciated
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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