no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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