Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
