I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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