so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
