just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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