i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
