Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
