Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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