After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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