why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
