oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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