i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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