Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
