DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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