I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
