see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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