Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
