I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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