u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
