I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize