uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize