His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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