Non-Jews are for practice
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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