we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
