we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
