I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
