$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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