You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
