I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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