i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
