I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
