There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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