Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
