I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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