that's an acceptable place to lick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
