my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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