I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
