Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
