So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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