She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
