Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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