You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
