Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
