So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
