my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
