He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
