did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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