I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The Olympian is in my bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
