You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
