I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
