Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
