i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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