i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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