O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
