do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
