When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize