guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hippo gnu deer
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
