So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
