Don't make out with my wife yet
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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