I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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