WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize