Sponge bath it is.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
