Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
