I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize