p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
