I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
