She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
