i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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