I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize