but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
