proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
