There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
