Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Success! We fucked roommates!
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