I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
