Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hippo gnu deer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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