WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she smelled like a LAN party
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
