last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
handjob tips. give me some.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
