I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
