He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
