Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
